from the Dutch Harbor Telegraph police blotter:
2 February, Saturday
1907 - Suspicious Person/Activity – A drunken man phoned police and said he was naked, cold, and exposing himself to passing vehicles and in need of assistance. He was unable to name or describe his location. Officers searched the common and not so common haunts of naked drunks but did not find the man in question. No other calls were received from the man.
22 January, Tuesday
1739 - Drunk Disturbance – Drunken brother reported his equally intoxicated sibling was being loud while they were watching television. An officer told both of the legal adults to be quiet.
8 January, Tuesday
1306 - Traffic Roads – Caller reported a pedestrian was walking on the roadway instead of using the sidewalk conveniently located only a few feet from the road. An officer contacted the pedestrian and advised her to walk on the sidewalk.
9 January, Wednesday
0123 - Assistance Rendered – Drunk reported that his brother stole his half-gallon of booze while he was being treated at the clinic. Officers found no half-gallon bottles, full or otherwise, in the house and advised the drunk to look for his liquor in the morning.
12 January, Saturday
2326 - Welfare Check – Wife, in Oregon, phoned police because her husband had not called today as expected. Officers found the husband and told him to call his wife.
11 February, Monday
2353 - Theft – Cab driver reported a passenger had refused to pay his fare. By the time officers arrived on scene, the man had paid and returned to his vessel. Both the passenger and the driver claimed that the other was rude.
12 February, Tuesday
1115 - Harassment – Two taxi drivers called each other bad names and directed rude gestures at one another. One driver believed the exchange was over allegations of stealing fares; the other driver believed it was due to parking in a handicapped parking space. The responding officer asked the two drivers to handle their business problems like adults.
13 February, Wednesday
0249 - Welfare Check – Caller asked police to check on an elderly neighbor whose door was open and whose dog was running about. Officers found the neighbor inside and determined he did not need police assistance. The dog was put inside and the door was shut before departure.
5 February, Tuesday
0122 - Welfare Check – Inebriated brother called to report that something was wrong with his inebriated sibling. Officers responded to the residence and were told that a pretty woman was doing things with his sibling.
0714 - Assistance Rendered – Inebriated brother called to report his inebriated sibling had told him to shut up. Officers responded to the residence and found the two were arguing about a pretty woman.
8 February, Friday
1912 - Suspicious Person/Activity – Driver reported a stumbling, apparently intoxicated man in the roadway. Officers found the inebriate in question sitting on the side of the roadway and ensured that he was capable of walking the remaining 200 yards to his residence.
9 February, Saturday
2242 - Welfare Check – Officer checked the airport terminal after multiple 911 calls were received from a pay phone at that location. The officer was told by one child that another child had seen a monster and so had phoned 911. The officer did not find any of the aforesaid monsters in the terminal.
31 January, Thursday
0115 - Trespass – Drunken homeowner asked that two women be barred from his home for the next year. An officer reminded the drunk that he often makes such requests only to rescind them the next day, and told him to call police again when he’s sober if he still wishes to take that course of action.